I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have aggressive nipples.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
