Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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