I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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