i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
