theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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