you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
