C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
