I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
