Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
