i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
