i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
