I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
