That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
