I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
