I feel like abortions should bother me more
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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