Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
