hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
