The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize