UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have fence marks all over my body
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
