My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
