Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
