yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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