Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
