can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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