How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
