he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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