I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
FUCK WHALES
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize