If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
