wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
