Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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