Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
babies were throwing up all over the place
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
