More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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