I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize