That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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