Kiss
Puke
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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