Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
