Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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