lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
