Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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