this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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