I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
