Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
