is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
