Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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