brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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