That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
