I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
