it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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