Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
