i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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