i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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