just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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