I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize