I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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