dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just threw up on my dentist
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
