just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
