That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
