have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
