My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
