I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize