Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
