I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
