I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
