he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize