True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
