i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
