you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
