I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My balls are so social today.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
