this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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