That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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