I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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