so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
