five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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