She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
