I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
