dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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