We're like a lot better than the average bears
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
