Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize