i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
