would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
