Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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