Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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