this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
