Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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