Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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