I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
