I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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