i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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