I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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