So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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