Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
