All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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