He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
