my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
