Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
