Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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