Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
