who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
